Happy New Year everybody

 As the sun sets on 2013

 and rises on 2014

 we, and all the Rectoryreserve residents wish you the very Happiggest and Healthpiggest New Year.
We'll be looking forward to keepig in touch and bringing you all our news and adventures.  For now though we going to sleep.... perchance to dream.... of a bright and beautiful future for us all. Happig New Year everybody.... xxxx

So, here's what I do

"So this is what we do on a workin day. Firstly, I always knows it's a workin  day cos She (who must be Obeyed) packs that special bag. Early. Dead giveaway that.
All the anipals get sorted quick; mostly that doesn't include most of the pigherd.
Then we off. I never know where. I just half-doze in the car.
We arrive. She gets out. Leaves me in. I wait. And wait. Ages goes by. She lets me out. Then I see where we are & goes & greets the yard and some of the peeps and some of the dogs. Those I know. Others I ignore. We move off in the transport to first drive* (see notes at end) and I waits quietly. We gets out. I waits quietly. Shakin all over tho. My nose twitches lots. I waits. And waits. Then She say  "Seek on" and I off; huntin here and there, lookin for anythin' but s'posed to be birds. I frighten them up into the air and then goes off lookin some more. Into brambles and bushes and ditches and kale and anythin' really. She tells me where to go with her whistle and her hands. Mostly I know what She sayin but sometimes She's wrong and I have to use a bit of elastic thinkin --- She know She wrong cos mostly She say I'm a "good boy" when I come back, either with a bird in my mouth or just with a smile on my face . After what She say is about 20 minutes someone blow a big horn or whistle and She say "All done" and I know to stop lookin so hard and go back to her side. Then, best of all, She sometimes say "Go find them" and I off, hither & thither followin my nose to find any fallen or lost birds. Even tho' She say so myself, I am quite good at that bit. It my favouritest bit. I loves lookin for birds. Sometimes I don't wait for the big whistle or horn; sometimes I see the chap with the big bang* and I see the bird drop to the ground and I just has to go fetch it --- well, if I don't somedog else will or even a human will have lost it and then She'll tell me to "go find" so best I find when I see it drop. Badly, She don't share that opinion and often growl at me when I high-tailin off. But I know's what's best.

After the 'drive' we get back on the bus (see this one - it not the best
but luckily it were not rainin on this day and everyone had a good laugh despite the fact that it was smelly and the humans had to climb up a ladder to get on it and we dogs had to be hefted up cos it too high to jump too.... and that meant all the humans got dirty cos we dogs does get very dirty when we at work..... ) and the bus takes us to the next drive. Often we walks to the next drive. But mostly the bus takes us. I's always very quiet on the bus. I dozes. I thinks.
And when we get there - not that we all always get to the same 'there' at the same time.. often one or two get out at a time..... instructions are issued by the human in charge and all the other humans with and without dogs listen and hopefully know what they supposed to do. But often they don't. And often someone gets told off. Often too we dogs get told off for not understandin what we s'posed to be doin'. I don't get told off very often cos mostly I do what I s'posed to and even when I don't I try to get away with it.
Not all the humans have dogs. Some have sticks and some have sticks with flappy bits on them that they call flags*. They wave these in the air frantically to make the birds fly in a certain way - up and away mostly. Over the men with the bang things hopefully. Though not always....
This chap here's got all three - not sure about the outfit  (never seen another like it)- the dog's called 'Tom'; he say he a Jack Russell but I never seen another like him. He funny tho. Till a couple of months ago he'd never had more excitement than runnin across the lounge from one lap to another and now he doing a thousand laps a day out bush-beatin. He don't half puff but he gettin fit fast!
Anyhow..  we does do three or four 'drives' then the humans stop for a break to eat. She puts me in my coat and then in the truck and give me my lunch. I don't eat it. I not happy to stop work so how can I eat. When She come back she give me a bit of her lunch. Sometimes I eat a bit but mostly I don't. I not happy till I get out the truck. Then she take my coat off and we off again. In the bus, to the woods or the fields or the sugar beet - wherever they think the

 birds gonna be. All we gotta do is find the birds and make them fly over where the men with the big bangs are. Sometimes the birds hide deep in the bushes and the sticks and without us dogs the humans would just walk over them. Good job they got us. See how deep this stuff is where only my head stick out? Sometimes it worse than that. Sometimes it tall stuff where I only can see the bottoms

of tall sticky things; other times it bramble-pricklies so high I has to jump with every stride. Often I gets bloodly nose and legs and belly. I don't care but She frown and pat me all over to check for deep prickles and thorns. How I hate that. Hates bein' fussed by Her. Not necessary I try tellin her (you know, I crawl away or go under a table or chair or anythin just to stop her  - it don't). I have to say, I loves my work - sometimes it very hard and tire me out and I footsore at end of day and don't wanna go home and don't wanna go out help with the anipals at night. Don't even wanna go pees n poos. But we has some fun too; sometimes there's a cute lady dog out with us (This one here's called

Kimmy and she the wife of my pal Joey) and we have some dog chat and some fun when the humans aren't watchin..... Personally I quite fond of black labs too but quite  honestly, if there's a lady about and she smell good, I ain't too fussed what family she come from.... all in the course of a day's work and a bit of light hearted banter can't do no harm can it? Nah, that's what I thought.You might ask what the humans are doin' whilst we dogs is lookin for all the birds - well, to be honest, it pretty wierd. Most of you would admit that when you go out with your peeps they fairly quiet. Well, on our workin days the peeps not at all quiet. They walk slowly in a line, meant to be straight but often it very wobbly, and they pokes and waves their sticks at bushes and stuff and they makes funny noises. Wierd. You'd think the birds'd be scared enough by us dogs and peeps wavin 'flags' but to make all those wierd noises too? Well, what's the point I often wonder.... some whistle and some 'brrrrrr' and some 'oooop, oooooop' ----- can't believe the birds are that deaf but what do I know... can tell you tho', it do make it hard to understand what She tellin me to do sometimes with all that whoopin and hollerin..... (NO! I am not makin excuses......)

 After each 'drive' there's quite a lot of hangin around while the chaps who s'posed to be pickin up all the shot birds do their bit. As I said, sometimes I asked to help but often I not. Then I looks at them and thinks I could do it better and faster..... sometimes if one bird's really lost they call me to help cos of my excellent nose but often I on the side line. When I older, I want to be a pickin' up dog* - it more fun and not so hard work. Some days I do just pickin up and it great fun.....
Anyways, in a day's work we does do 6 or 7 lots of 'drives' and then it the end and we go home. That the worstest bit. I never want to go home. She say, I like the last human to leave the party. Often She have to drag me off the beater's bus or pull be out the wagon...... I give Her dirty looks but still we has to go home......

Then She put my coat on again and She give me kibbles to eat. I never eat them till we gets home. Then I eats them before I get out the truck cos otherwise the pesky pups are going to get them and that just won't do.
And the pesky pups are always full of questions and bounces when I get home.... they haven't a clue. They sniffs me all over and tries to guess what I been up to, but, as I said, they haven't a clue. I can't tell them cos it somethin' they just gotta learn in their own growin up....... but one day maybe they come out with me and share the fun and then they understand why I so quivery before I goes to work and so whacked when I gets home.  Do know it the bestest job in all the world and She say I the bestest at my job. And that make us both very happy."

* Drives = Driven shooting consists of groups of beaters walking across fields and through woods and cover strips which could be kale, maize, mustard, elephant grass etc. driving the birds towards and over the guns
*men with bangs = Guns. Most driven shooting (in our experience) consists of 7 or 8 people with guns who are invited or pay for a day out shooting
* flags = bits of plastic sacks attached to hazel or blackthorn (or similar) sticks which are waved up to encourage the birds to fly up or in a certain direction. Unfortunately not many gamebirds are trained to understand the language of flags so can be a bit crude
* picking-up dog = Dog, usually spaniel or labrador, used to collect all the shot and wounded birds at the end of each drive. During the drive they sit still and wait - unless a wounded bird hits the ground and runs - in which case they have to catch it as quickly as possible - unless it is going in the direction of the next drive in which case it is to be ignored and 'found' later - often by a "Beater dog". "Beater dogs" (which is what I am) are trained to run in a controlled (!?! who put that in?) fashion hunting for the game and to flush it up for the Guns to shoot. They are not supposed to pick up birds unless asked at the end of the drive. Humans wrote this rule. We beater dogs often reinterpret it.

Victoria spongelets

Victoria gave birth to her, and Black Banana's, second brood last weekend..... early ...and they were tiny.... a week later they are still tiny and have not ventured outside the ark.
That may be something to do with Victoria; Her last brood didn't leave the ark for ages.....  and they grew up to be very round and sleek. This lot may be the same..... we shall see. In the meantime, Victoria is eating for the whole herd, as ever. At least, since the little ones arrived she has been quiet..... before that she was always the first awake and the loudest at suggesting it was feed time..... it won't be long before she back to normal I'm guessing..... meanwhile the little ones are soaking up all her love and attention..... they'll do well for it..... little sponges..... aaaahhhhhh

Weanlings... again....!

 "I been lookin after this lot for weeks it seems - they been in and out the barn, snaffling the food sacks and then runnin' home to mum as if they were starvin and demandin' milk. She rolls over and gives in to them. They are really spoilt chaps and here they are standin' up to me and suggesting I could be in the wrong..... Pfft. They don't know I been doin this for years....
Anyway, time has come and their mum now gettin fed up with them and the milk bar's dryin up and it time they were weaned away...so that been done this week and now they all in the barn eatin food as if they never been fed before...... and their mum now back with her bestest boar - they ran her up this afternoon and you know what? Surprise. Surprise. She almost got there before the humans...... and Now Samson's havin a proper Christmas with is wife instead of on his own.... and the little ones are in the barn bein spoiled and mollycoddled. What's not to like little chaps? Merry Christmas hey?

Soooo? Where's the news?

"So here I am again.... She say She gonna give you all the news..... but just at this moment She ain't got the time..... Well..... pfffft to that... She say She gonna get on to it soonest but there's stuff to do and wrap and write and cook and --- Hey? Is my dinner in there somewhere cos my tum's definitely rumblin..... Oh well, if my food is causin the delay, what can I say......  I also been waitin...... I still  waitin...... h-u-r-r-y  u-p  p-l-e-a-s-e..... I a workin dog - I aint got all day..... Well... today I has but not always............   "

(p.s. I gonna nag her to get on with the news soonest.... Well... who's the boss round here??? Yeh.   Right!)

Normal service bein resumed shortly.....

"Evenin' all: just wanna apologise for bein out of pawfeel for a while but Her 'puter been out of action and so She not been able to broadcast my news .... not to mention news of the porcine herd and the other anipals here on the Reserve......
However.... She now had the technology issues mended and - I believe -- things'll be back to normal soon --- cos we got ooodles of news -- and new weaners (almost) and new piglets - just this mornin..... and I been so busy beatin.... and the pups are all growin.... and my boy Bugler's been so norty........oh --- so much news ----m be back sooooon.....Watch this space.... " Wags tail and departs stage left.........